mission freak!

It’s Michael Phelps‘ weekend. Get ready to celebrate USA’s greatest Olympian. Phelps is poised to break the record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, and he already holds the most gold medals for an Olympian.  But you can’t just put life and entertainment on hold for 30 minutes of swimming, so here’s how this is going to work…

Thursday
Matthew Grimm & The Red Smear w/ Deleted Scenes, Illinois John Fever, and Crokane / The Picador / 9 pm / $5
Phelps has the day off Thursday, so you can pre-game with him a half world away. And what better way to get your patriotism on than with the sociopolitical commentary of Iowa City’s finest bile spewer Matt Grimm. Grimm and The Red Smear will be flanked by Mississippi Mud-stompin’ Illinois John Fever, Deleted Scenes out of DC and Brooklyn, and one more local blues pusher, Crokane.

Friday
Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head w/ Datagun and Porno Galactica / The Picador / 9 pm / $6
Phelps hits the water for the 200 IM at 8:48 pm (central time), then you can celebrate his 6th gold medal of 2008 with Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head. Possibly on par with Phelpsmonster’s 6th victory is the second-to-last Porno Galactica show before he relocates to the friendly confines of good ol’ Portland, Oregon. But in case you can’t make Friday’s gig, maybe you heard about that last one before P.G. hits the road.

Saturday
Def Leopard w/ Everclear / Iowa State Fair / 8 pm / $45
While you’re waiting for Everclear to open things up for Def Leopard at the Iowa State Fair, you can sneak off to the can, and whip out that phone (God, you have a dirty mind!) for Phelps’ 100 meter butterfly at 8:10 pm. I know, I know, Def Leopard?  Everclear?  Yep, that’s right, we’re feeling nostalgic. I mean, c’mon, remember this? What about this? Anyway, tickets are still available, and that’s a lot of memories for $45 (plus surcharges).

Sunday
After you wake up under the Iowa State Fair Grandstands covered in sugar, surrounded by Natty Ice cans, and hungover; you can nurse yourself back to health all the way back home.  When you get back, there’s a couch, some water, Phelps, and those other guys (who will dominate in the 4×100 meter medley relay at 8:58 pm) to ease the pain.

Note: Times listed for Phelps’ events are the times at which the events begin, not when they will be aired, check local listings for more information.