Review: The Grammys!

First of all, props to Bruce Nemerov, Barack Obama, and Connor Oberst. There are over 100 Grammys given out, from Best Hawaiian Music to Best Children’s Instrumental Album to Best Long Form Music video. The majority of these little gems will forever go unnoticed by the general public, and even the indie public (did I just invent that term?), and you know what, who the hell are the Grammys even for, anyway?! Who cares?! It’s like the band playing as the Titanic sinks! It’s an exercise in self-fellation from the most fellated people on the whole planet, and, and…whoa, is that really Tina Turner?

This is what the Grammys do. They distract you from the problems, the RIAA lawsuits, and all the other bullshit for a night of ridiculous excess and performances that literally no one beside Grammy producers can dream up. The Grammys (Prime Time TV Edition) even obscures other, “less important,” Grammys! Which is why I wanted to mention Bruce Nemerov, Barack Obama, and Connor Oberst. Best Liner Notes, Best Spoken Word Album, and Best Album Art (respectively) are nothing to sneeze at, gents. I salute you. And I also predict the future: Obama beat out former Presidents Clinton and Carter in his category. That’s change we can believe in, kids. And for you Hawaiians out there, the winner was Treasures of the Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar.

Cool? Cool. Now hit the jump so we can gossip about Kanye and Winehouse.

Rhianna’s medley with The Time was one of those ridiculous moments that makes awards shows worth watching. It wasn’t the kind of excitement I felt when seeing Aerosmith and Run-DMC perform “Walk this Way” at the VMA’s, but a quieter, more interesting pleasure.  I mean, the gold suits, a totally rearranged “Umbrella” and a little snip of “Jungle Love.” I don’t know if I had been sleeping on “Don’t Stop the Music” or what, but that song is hot.

I also wasn’t super-excited about Kanye w/Daft Punk. First of all, it’s totally obvious, and second of all, they showed the inside of the pyramid! This is wrong. After seeing them live I wanted to imagine that what went on there was beyond my comprehension. Now i know it’s some green screens that are beyond my comprehension. Also, the robots just didn’t have enough time to get crazy. (In other French disco news, Justice lost to Timberlake for song of the year and The Chemical Brothers for dance album of the year. Bullshit.)

“Hey Mama” was touching, and all of the reports today will mention how touching it was. I’ll say this: Kanye once cried and called the President out on television. The dude is nothing if not passionate.

Amy Winehouse saying something about burning London down during her awards speech was one of the more rocknroll moments, besides the fact the the Foo Fighters were squirming all over the place and chomping on gum (even when performing. Singing while chewing gum! Unreal.) Dudes, take it down a level. You can party all night (which I’m sure they did).

Some final thoughts:

There is nothing sadder than an old Jerry Lee Lewis. Unless it’s old Tony Bennet.

Fogerty: an embarrassment.

Tina and Beyonce: an embarrassment of riches.

Kid Rock: I respect the guy.

Feist: thanks for being totally boring. It’s the Grammys! Get those spandex dancers from your iPod video to jump around or something!

2 Responses to “Review: The Grammys!”

  1. 1 John C. Schlotfelt

    No thoughts on the bizarre award for Hancock? Headhunters was how many years ago? Thirty-four years after his most acclaimed recording, it’s a little late for a make-up award, don’cha think?

  2. 2 craig

    totally uncomprehensible, yet somehow preordained, like when Crash won Best Picture. I actually haven’t heard the album, but was thankful that at least I didn’t have to hear Vince Gill or Kanye speak again.

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